» ДЛя тех кто знает английский...

Helde_Onu

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Химеры книгоиздания – «Библия секса» для мутантов-дебилов. Забудьте все, что вы знали о женской груди и русском языке.

На всякий случай - ведь статья действительно очень смешная - вот
прямая ссылка:
http://www.gazeta.ru/2003/04/14/gomoseksauli.shtml

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BerserkerRR
я чуть не обделался...........


Добавлено
просто супер.....

Добавлено
круто в натуре

Добавлено
djdk
тоже ниче.......
это же надо додуматься.....хе хе

"Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden, "what did
you and Eve do today?"
"We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said reverently.
"Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God.
"Yes, Lord, we did," Adam confessed.
"And then what did you do?" God asked.
"We made mad, passionate love all afternoon."
"Where is Eve now?" the Lord bellowed.
"She's down at the brook washing herself out."
"Oh, no," the Lord moaned." Now all the fish are going to smell
like that!"

We support one party system: party all day and party all night...

Добавлено
/that's about old good times.../

Q: How does a Mexican know when it's time to eat again?
A: His asshole stops burning.

Two guys wandered into a bar. One of the men shouted to the
barkeeper,"Hiya, Mike. Set 'em up for me and my pal here." Then he
turned to his slightly dim partner and boasted, "This is a great bar.
For every two drinks you buy, the house gives you one. And the pinball
machines in the back are free!"
"That's not so great,"responded the friend. "There's a bar across
town That'll match you drink for drink, and you can get laid in the back
for free."
"Where is this place?" the first guy exclaimed.
"Oh, I don't know," the dim fellow replied, "but my wife goes there
all the time."

Two man walk into a bar.
"ouch!"

An Israeli was sitting between two Arabs on a long airplane flight.
He had just removed his shoes and gotten comfortable when one of the
Arabs nudged him and said,"Hey, Jew, go get us some orange juice." To
avoid any trouble, the Israeli did so. When he left, both Arabs spit in
his shoes.
The Israeli came back with the juice, which the Arabs gulped down.
The rest of the flight was uneventful. The plane landed, and the Israeli
put on his shoes and felt the squishing inside. He turned to the Arabs
and said,"If there is ever going to be peace in the Middle East, the
Arabs will have to stop spitting in the shoes of Jews, and the Jews will
have to stop pissing in the Arabs' orange juice."

Two gents met on the street corner.
"Have you a light?" - asks one.
"Yes, but my cigarettes are wet..." - replies another.
"Oh, that's not a problem. Mine still are dry - I have a good prezervation..." - and shows...
First one turns to pharmacy and asks: "Can I get some preservation?"
"For you or for your fried?" - asks druggist trying to help her client...
"No, for my cigarettes, please..."
"OOhh!.. " - she gives him the nod,- "King size!.."

Three doctors were talking about the amazing things being done in
medicine. The first said,"Six weeks ago a man came in after losing a
hand in an accident just as a car crash victim was brought in dead on
arrival. I took a hand from the dead man and sewed it on the worker's
stump, and today he's out looking for a job."
The second physician said,"That's not so amazing. Six months ago I
gave a blind man a pair of dead man's eyes, and today he's out looking
for a job."
The third doctor said,"Neither of those cases tops this one. A year
and a half ago we took an asshole out of California, put it in the White
House, and today everybody is out looking for a job."

A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found
himself beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying
something in his hand. The attorney leaned closer while the drunk held
the tiny object up to the light, slurring "Well, it looks like plastic."
Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding,"But it feels like
rubber."
Curious, the lawyer asked, "What do you have there mister?"
The drunk stammered,"Damn if I know, but it looks like plastic and
feels like rubber."
The lawyer said,"Let me take a look." And the drunk handed it over.
The attorney rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it
closely. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I
don't know what it is. Where did you get it anyway?"
The drunk replied, "Outa my nose."

Weird US Laws:
Vermont: It is illegal to whistle underwater.
New Jersey: It is illegal to slurp soup.
Alaska: It is illegal to a wake a bear for the purpose of photography, although it is legal to shoot a sleeping bear.
Virginia: It is illegal for a man to kick his wife out of bed.
Arizona: In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.
California: It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
Florida: It is illegal for a single woman to sky dive on Sunday.
Michigan: Under state law, dentists are officially classified as mechanics..
Washington: It is illegal to pretend one's parents are rich.
Illinois: It is illegal to speak English, the officially recognized language is "American."

With the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was
suddenly illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male
passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.
The girl had had enough of this particular character."These are the
breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking
lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them."

-Your r just a babe
-Thnx...
-In the wood ....

"Brace yourself, Mr. Cassidy," the physician told the patient on
whom he had performed a battery of costly tests. "You have approximately
six months to live."
"But I don't have insurance, doctor," said Cassidy, "and I can't
skimp and save enough to pay you in that time!"
"All right, all right," soothed the medical man. "Let's say nine
months, then."

Three women - a German, a Jew and a Polack - all gave birth to
seven-pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed
up somehow and couldn't tell which baby belonged to which mother. After
an hour of mass confusion the father of the German baby decided he'd
settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three
infants in a row. He clicked his heels, raised his arm and shouted,
"Heil Hitler!" The German baby snapped to attention, the Jewish baby
shit, and the Polack baby played in it.

Even though a fellow was late for his flight, he dashed into the
airport men's room, pissed, and quickly headed for the door. At one of
the sinks a Marine sergeant was washing his hands. The Leatherneck
called to the man, "Hey, buddy, in the Marine Corps they teach us to
wash our hands after going to the bathroom."
The fellow stepped back into the men's room and looked at the
Marine. "Well, I was in the Navy, Sarge, and they taught us not to piss
on our hands!"

A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when
a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. "I just
bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he's going to live
with us - just like one of the family. He'll eat at the same table with
us. He'll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife."
"But what about the smell?" the friend asked.
"Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did."

Bill had just returned from a week of honeymooning, and his best
friend asked him how it went. "The first night we did it nine times,"
Bill said."The second night, eight times. The third night, seven times.
The fourth night, six times. The fifth night, five times. The sixth
night, four times, and the last night, nothing!"
"Nothing?" his pal asked. "How come?"
"Hey, you ever tried putting a marshmallow in a parking meter?"

- What will ya get if you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
- A High School math problem.

vu1tur

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next
to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn
coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few
minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father,
what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked
women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How
long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope
does."

Из серии "как слышится, если не знать как пишется":
Если читать Rulezzzzzzz как [рулезззззззз], то получается: линейкииииииииииии

Quaterstaff - четверть посоха
Longbow - длинный поклон

а еще был перевод в игре: "Взять в партию гоги?"

Берем две английских фразы "F@#k you" и "Good luck!", и меняем в них местами два слова. Получаем два почти что джентльменских пожелания. Догадайтесь каких…

"good F@#k" и "Luck(y) you"?? так???

Waw, I see we have here the best brains from our topic only

Er4s3r






Я две минуты валялся на ковре и держался за пузо (честно)!!! А-а-а-а!!! Истерика-а-а-а!!!! У меня слезы-ы-ы-ы!!!

ПыСы: Пора новую тему создавать!!!
ПыПыСы: Ой, я немогу-у-у-у-у-у!!!

*уполз под стол*

Разговор в IRC на одном забугорном канале:

<andy> who else apart from Hyper is speaking russian?
<Flying^DR> me
<Flying^DR> also rozhik, yuriy, mamay, Jedy, Vlad
<Flying^DR> maybe someone else too
<RoBRB> +sasha
<RoBRB> total 8 or 9
<Flying^DR>
<OzOoN> we have lots of red army members
<OzOoN>
<Flying^DR>
<Flying^DR> not only army, but pyramid also
<OzOoN> yep
<OzOoN>
<render1>
<|VlaD|> ds, jackson, vigen can do russian also btw
<David> so better to ask who DOESN'T do russian then...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the woman to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then
gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseated you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you!" To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,
and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Two guys were attending a party in the woods when, all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it.

They were going pretty fast when an old man's face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway. "What do you want?" he asked. "Do you have any tobacco?" asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and he went away. "Go faster!" said the passenger. "I don't want to see him again!"

So, the driver pushed the speedometer to 80 mph.

But soon, the old man appears at the window, again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window, again. "Do you have a light?" said the old man's face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And, the old man went away. "Drive faster!" said the passenger. So, they pushed it to 100 mph.But, ten minutes later, the face returns. "What do you want from us?" screamed the passenger. The old man gently replied, "You guys want some help getting out of the mud?"